Yesterday and today I’ve had a bit of a challenge to overcome. I’ve needed to tap into some feelings which aren’t easily available to me in order to make this blog post happen, I’ve needed to go against my bad instincts: pat myself on the shoulder, smile in spite of myself, and think supportive and encouraging thoughts to the part of me which felt like it wasn’t up to the mark, not good enough.
It’s a tricky business, being kind to yourself, but I am working on it so hard.
I’m getting up every day, and I’m telling myself that yes, my girl, you’re doing well, your blog is good, people like it, it’s a project worth continuing with. And I tell myself again and again, despite how it makes me cringe with embarrassment, despite how difficult it sometimes is to say – that I’m on the right track and well done for how far you’ve already come.
The thing about depression – the crux of the matter – is that it distorts your vision of yourself, makes you feel smaller than you are, less like a person entitled to a voice and a platform on which to speak up, and it takes away your guts and your backbone, leaving you to hide away, and nevermind about what you wanted to say.
But I’m remembering that this is false, that I am entitled to say that here I am, and I’m not going anywhere. And I want to tell all of you as well, that you’re worth the time and attention of those around you, no matter what your illness might be telling you. So keep on keeping on, be bold, be bright, be you, with no inhibitions and no hesitation.