Hello all! So I am sat at the Berlin airport after a great weekend in the German countryside, where we stayed in Schloss Shönow, a gorgeous, if slightly (very) run down, castle. I had the most wonderful time there, we were ten people staying and we had a party on Saturday and a Sunday brunch with mimosas.
I was almost entirely fine the whole time. No anxiety, hardly any bad thoughts (just the one, or two) and I was okay socially. Not great like I used to be, but I’m happy with okay for now! I was able to talk to new people, make conversation for hours on end and not feel on edge while doing so. So that’s a success for me, even though I am, as my friend has noticed, much more quiet and reserved than I used to be.
The difference between me now, and me before I got ill, is that when I had a great moment during the barbeque – where I had good food, good company, good champagne, and a good mood – I quietly noticed this and said to myself ‘I feel so great right now,’ whereas before I would have exclaimed to the heavens and everyone around me how great I felt! And I would have thanked the people there for being a part of that, and grinned stupidly and happily and not minded the attention I brought upon myself. So that’s the difference. I still have the same great moments, and they still make me feel great, but I react to them in silence now.
Anyway, the castle we stayed at was amazing, it’s had great fires three times, and is now being rebuilt yet again, so it’s all bare bricks, decay and spider’s webs, but it had such a wondrous atmosphere, it was like being at Hogwarts! It’s still a work in progress, so it’ll be interesting to visit again and see how things develop!