Hello lovelies, hope everyone’s having a nice Tuesday!
I’ve had a perfect morning which included my morning coffee and my book both joining me in bed. It’s a rainy day, but I’m cosy inside so no matter!
Last night I was at my friend’s place drinking tea and eating grapes and having a good, long chat, and I had a very pleasant evening. My friend said that I was such a calm person to be around, and that made me really happy because I’ve felt like the opposite was true for a really long time now.
Since becoming ill, I’ve felt like my anxiety made me into such unsettling company, like I was high-strung and angsty and nervous and tense. It made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of people’s time, and it made me over-compensate, trying to make up for being such ‘terrible company’. So I would always try to fill every silence with something interesting, constantly talking about something new, always moving on from every topic way to quickly, and I think it just made conversations really scattered and jittery.
Now I feel a bit more confident that people actually enjoy my company (why else would they be spending time with me?), and I relax more around them, which I think is making a big difference to how conversations go, and by extension how I feel about myself; more worthy of their time and more positive about who I am.
Has anyone else struggled with feeling like they’re not ‘good enough’ to be taking up people’s time? How have you coped with that?
Lots of love,