I have felt as though my illness took my life away.
I have felt that all my accomplishments were lost and invalidated.
Because everything in my life changed. I lost my job and my flat, I had to leave London and all my friends there. All the everyday little things, my yoga, my shops, the route that I walked everyday, the places I had lunch, the people I worked with, the markets I went to on the weekend, my local park. There was just nothing left.
Until now I have not been able to see it as anything but defeat. All was lost. Scraped down to the bare bones.
But now I am beginning to see it differently. I am beginning to see that it wasn’t quite everything that was lost. The essentials remain. My family is still here. I have reconnected with old friends from my home town. My friends in London are still there. Ready to see me should I return.
I still have myself. My thoughts and ideas and values and dreams.
Now it is as though I was stripped bare in order to realise my life anew. With a blank canvas. There is nothing but the bare essentials left, and I am free to do whatever I want.
I just need to figure out what that is.